The Days Keep Going

The year is almost to an end already. It seems like it just began. What a year it has been. I never want a year like it ever again. I lost three people in my family this year. My son, and both of my remaining grandparents. As the holidays draw closer I find myself torn between emotions. I am excited to be traveling to visit family this year that I haven't seen in three years, but at the same time it is not going to be a normal happy holiday trip. There will be a lot of sadness in this trip for me. This will be the first year attempting to celebrate without my dear little boy. I miss him lots and find myself thinking about him a lot recently. Not that I don't think about him all the time anyway, but something about this time of year that makes it more difficult. You are supposed to be happy and jolly this time of year. I find myself not feeling much of that right now. I feel a bit guilty because I do have a wonderful little boy at home to take care of and to give a wonderful Christmas to. I'm just glad his is still to young to understand what went on this year and also still too young to truly understand Christmas. Here's to hoping next year hold better things for our family! Merry Christmas.

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes, uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes, they are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author unknown